Stephen Arnold
- Title: President
- Job Description: Check writer
- Birthplace: Woodstock
- Age: Over the hill
- Education: Institute for Advanced Kazoo
- Interests: Extreme gardening
- Role Model: David Crosby
- Music Interests: Any of the Garage Band demo projects
- Likes: Organic soil, pole-vaulting
- Dislikes: Maracas & Chad's Haircut
Chad Cook
- Title: Creative Director
- Job Description: All things artsy-fartsy
- Birthplace: Killiecrankie, Tasmania
- Age: Considerably, working for SAM
- Education: Toni & Guy Academy
- Interests: Vidal Sassoon Haircuts
- Role Model: Eartha Kitt
- Music Interests: Pigmy Yodeling
- Likes: Susan Lucci shampoo
- Dislikes: Houses with wheels
Noelle Alanis
- Title: Director of Licensing
- Job Description: Getting you to buy things
- Birthplace: Underland
- Age: Only slightly older than Soundgarden
- Education: Mallard Fillmore College of Fluid Dynamics
- Interests: Typing without an 'e'
- Role Model: Matthew Henson ... or was it Jim?
- Music Interests: Capriccio Chamber Music
- Likes: A capella instrumentals
- Dislikes: Hurdy gurdies
Tinley Bone
- Title: Director of Licensing
- Job Description: Partnering with y'all
- Birthplace: Chocolate Hills of Bohol Island
- Age: She's a big girl now
- Education: Bowling Industry Management and Technology
- Interests: Frog dissections
- Role Model: Cher
- Music Interests: Bobby Bones
- Likes: Extreme ironing
- Dislikes: Visible panty lines
Jessica Hess
- Title: 3rd Coast Sales
- Job Description: Oh, but you will buy from me!
- Birthplace: In a Tennessee Whiskey Bottle
- Age: Your grandma and I played checkers together when you were three
- Education: The kitchen table
- Interests: Studying human behavior and your mother
- Role Model: Dewey Cox
- Music Interests: Brittany Kingery and The Cadillac Three
- Likes: Cooking, queso and watching my cactus (Milred) grow
- Dislikes: Raking leaves, spiders and ex’s
Whitney Arnold
- Title: Everything 'Vault'
- Job Description: Putting the ship into the bottle
- Birthplace: Farallon Islands
- Age: At least 12
- Education: St. Mary's Butterfly School of Design
- Interests: Carpet sharks, wobbegongs, and chumming
- Role Model: Ryan Seacrest and Gary Coleman
- Music Interests: Fiddle singing and Indian tabla loops
- Likes: Collecting drinking straws and removing the limes from empty Corona bottles
- Dislikes: Loosing his pet rock on a gravel road and photocopies of himself
Dave Baumann
- Title: Marketing and Creative Director
- Job Description: Bridging the gap
- Birthplace: The beaten path
- Age: Younger every day
- Education: Would-be Warriors Gladiator School
- Interests: Alien space mummies
- Role Model: The World Leader in Sonic Branding
- Music Interests: Kaja Goo Goo
- Likes: Remote controls and stink bombs
- Dislikes: TSA full body searches
Clay Lorance
- Title: Creative Services
- Job Description: Slicing & Dicing
- Birthplace: Katmandu
- Age: You can't make me!!
- Education: Apprentice to The Laplanders of Norway
- Interests: Phonetic Punctuation & Hats
- Role Model: Victor Borge
- Music Interests: Gregorian Metal & The Carpenters
- Likes: Pizza & Magnetic Propulsion
- Dislikes: Macintosh Computers
Paul West
- Title: Chief Engineer, Senior Button Pusher
- Job Description: Erasing all the good takes
- Birthplace: Phone Booth, Abbey Road
- Age: 48K, 24Bit
- Education: Beale Street
- Interests: Open Wheel Armadillo Racing
- Role Model: The Blue Peanut M&M
- Music Interests: Anything with bagpipe, oboe & slap bass
- Likes: Doing Tequila shots with chipmunks
- Dislikes: Aardvark Drag Racing (NHRAa)
Jesus Garcia
- Title: Creative Services
- Job Description: Pushing knobs & twiddling buttons
- Birthplace: Jot Em Down, TX
- Age: Younger than Clay
- Education: Euphonia University
- Interests: Iona Gaels Futbol
- Role Model: Zha Zha Gabor ... or was it Eva?
- Music Interests: Klangfarbenmelodie
- Likes: Enharmonic intervals
- Dislikes: The phrase 'WWJD'
Jana Bailey
- Title: Director of Business Affairs
- Job Description: Columns, Numbers
- Birthplace: Cat Island, Japan
- Age: Is just a number
- Education: Reynauds Culinary and Math Elysium
- Interests: Industrial paper shredders
- Role Model: Bernie Madoff
- Music Interests: DEVO
- Likes: Square pegs
- Dislikes: Round holes
Jess Bailey
Jess Bailey
- Job Description: Table scraps
- Birthplace: Dawson's Creek
- Age: x √a-bx
- Education: Ozark Choir College
- Interests: Back seat driving
- Role Model: Tom Landry
- Music Interests: Nickelback, Hall & Oates
- Likes: Parsley sage rosemary and thyme recipe
- Dislikes: Zombie Apocalypse